Growing up

Mia James

Everything is just a distance 
Memory, I now see 
Only in my dreams

I grew up too fast,
Somewhere in between 

I regret ever thinking 
growing
Up was everything  

I now think of the past, 
More often than not 
 
I don't know who I am
It’s as if I got lost along the way
You can think of it like I'm a needle in 
the hay 
No one can find it, and so I sit here
And wait

I've changed, people say. 
I agree.I'm no longer the little girl who’s 
only problem was knowing left from right.

I'm now older, and my mind is like
A crowded room that feels like doom
  
The older you get, the more aware you are of
Figuring out how to fit inside this little perfect box 
wondering who I will become  

The thought that clouds my mind, always saying
 ‘You’ll never be enough.’

When you're younger, the question always being asked is, 
‘What will you be when you grow up?’ 
You can no longer write on the piece of 
Paper a fantasy of finding a faraway galaxy 

You must think of reality 

I don’t want to make the wrong decision
The one that’s forever-lasting. 
Four years is all you have, 
they say, four years to map out who I will become.
They say be 
a lawyer 
a doctor, 
something great.

But what if I have no idea what if 
I need time that moves like a clock that will stop.

Well, Mia, you don't have time anymore, 
Just pick something safe, 
something that works.

But what about what I want

I want to be something without
 Looking back, but I don't know how to
 follow a map when the pieces I need are all out of whack 

So here is what I say

Growing up just has more questions
 because nobody really finishes
 becoming who they are

Every year adds another 
layer, another version of
 you who you never thought you would be 

No matter how grown you
 think you are, your future
 is still moving forward 

You're never done growing up
 because time doesn't stop; it just 
keeps moving you forward.

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